To Put or Not to Put,  That is the Question

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Beauty requires sacrifice. And nearly half of the Armenian population is going through a bloody war against foundation, mascara, hair extension and fake eyelashes in order to beat the phenomenal beauty of the Ararat Mountain. Because people say, “If you want to be the best you have to beat the best.” After the flood of red moccasins, under the onslaught of which Armenia lost thousands of individuals, the beauty war surpassed the number of fallen since the red moccasins era. Putting a ton of makeup on one’s face is a way of self-expression; the more makeup the better. Some residents of our capital see their faces as a field that requires seeds and fertilizers, or as a canvas, which craves for oil. And sometimes for the pursuit of the immense beauty of the Armenian mountains, and the unprecedented beauty of the Armenian nature, citizens are taken to the unheard steppes.

Most Armenian girls start their morning with an almost two-hour-makeup-routine. The preparation process consists of a “No-makeup” makeup look. In fact, the “No-makeup” makeup look is about fewer cosmetics and a more natural look. But since we, Armenians, are gurus of deceiving logic, here are the seven steps of applying an Armenian “No-makeup” makeup look.

First, you put a face lotion for hydration because you do not want your skin to die from the excess of the cosmetics, do you? The second layer is the primer; it is another hydration lotion. You know a storm comes when you apply a double face protector and hydrator. After the primer, the liquid foundation comes into play. It usually covers flows on your face: little, untouched volcanoes, or the already erupted ones, tattoos, moles and any other things, even your personality. If your face is flawless, in any case, apply the product, you’ll never know. Now that the foundation is applied, it is time for concealer, which is an invisible curtain for bags under the eyes, dark cheekbones, forehead, chin, nose… Generally, apply the product everywhere except the cheeks. You need to stay natural, remember? What’s next? Translucent powder is the finishing touch to the liquid foundation. Things are going to get more ethereal and lighter with the powder. But the next layer, highlighter, brings an extra glow to your cheekbones. At nights your glowing cheeks probably will be useful. Probably. And the final step is bronzer and blush for your cheekbones. Be careful; do not overdo the glow, you want to shine bright like a diamond but in no way like LED football field lighting. That is all, your face is ready. Your face is ready for applying eyeshadows, extended eyelashes, and preferably colored eye lenses. Do not forget to match the color of your lenses with the color of your purse or shoes. But this is another issue.

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The process of applying makeup is very tedious. Girls are often late to their morning classes because of this long routine. Imagine how hard it is for those who have years of experience. Every day is a groundhog day. The constant application of lipstick and eyebrow paint has made women seek a smart solution: do tattoos and get rid of this burden. Easy as that, you pick a color shade and tattoo it wherever you want. Sometimes it works; sometimes it would be better if it worked. However, besides tattoo cravers, we have women who are independent and free enough to decide what forms they should apply. Only in Armenia, you can see the paintings of Malevich, Ayvazovsky, and Van Gogh on a single brow of a woman. Not without reason, it is said that Armenians are people of art.

Being late for classes and having failed permanent tattoos are the least evils girls can encounter. Such mistakes in life can be changed. However, one of the heroines of our makeup story has a worse case which can be hardly fixed. The story begins like this:

In one of the beauty booths next to thousands of other beauty booths, a group of fairies were preparing a magic potion for a future bride. At that moment as the girl was sitting on a chair of transformations, women wielded with magic brooms waved their hands near the young face. The ingredients of the natural look potion changed with each stroke of the broom, as in a fairytale. “How about putting the fourth layer of lipstick with this color, I’m sure it will give her a very refined and gentle look as if she did not paint her lips at all?” said fairies. Everything went smoothly enough. Instead of applying the basic seven steps of makeup, fairies got more creative, they did ten of them. They over-lined the eyebrows, the lips, and the eyes. Fairies assured her that everything looked natural. As the bride was looking in the mirror, she admired her beauty she was forced to hide for so many years. People were clapping after her, saying “How lucky your husband is to have such a beautiful wife?” Every time I go back to that small room, deep down I know – someone jinxed her.

Who would have guessed that the day after the marriage, the couple would break up? The reason was devastating: the husband simply did not recognize his wife. The silly girl decided to wash her face before going to sleep. She completely forgot about the golden ratio rule: the level of individuality is directly proportional to the quantity of the makeup you put on. But of course, it is all about the groom. He should have accepted his wife for what she is. Wasn’t he who vowed to love her for better or for worse? Hypocrite.

csaccxDo not get me wrong, I partially accept the idea that the level of individuality is proportional to the quantity of the makeup you put on. But is it the direct or inverse proportionality? Anyway, I would like to take a moment and appreciate the hard work of Armenian girls in spending more than an hour doing their best to look beautiful and unique. Let the eyeliner be long and thick as the aircraft-runway. Let the bronze be as dark and shiny as graphite. Let the lip liner be the biggest frame for wrapping the non-existing lip line. Let there be over-brows, curvy, geometrical and index sign-like brows. Let the red lipstick and blue under eye shadows always match your dress. Let the contour be always as clearly and boldly defined as axioms in geometry textbooks for middle school students. Let the strength be with the girls to restrain the gravity of layers of paint on their faces. May the weather be always favorable for your makeup.

Amen.

 

 

 

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